My thoughts today...

It's been a while since I have had any time to write...
I remember going to sleep a few days a go and writing blog posts in my resting rem periods.
I just know that this phase of life we are in is an ever changing ever imperfect one, and I am slowly realizing that as much as I want everything to be perfect in my own mind. The harsh realization is that it never will be. The ever present struggle for internal peace and world peace will always be here. It's just how we deal with it that signifies how strong we are. I truly love being a mom, but realize every day how many children live in this world and need better lives. More loving parents, more time with people who love them, and more time to learn what love means. I realize that we all truly need LOVE more than anything else in this world. Especially God's love. When Van hasn't had enough time with me during the day he gets needy and asks "up, up". I immediately pick him up and hold him until he tells me he has had enough. This season I vow to accept that GOD is the only perfect one. I will look to what is right about life, and remember that we are always going to be imperfect. Our challenge is to love each other as much as possible and show compassion for those who are neglected and lost.

love is....

Love is a funny thing isn't it? Over time you would think that it would get easier and easier and that eventually when your old you know each other so well you wouldn't even need to speak, you can just read each others minds. Sometimes that speaking part is true, but I have to say I love seeing an old couple holding hands or gazing into each others eyes. It makes my heart sing.

I scrolled through my treasure box of photos and couldn't seem to find a recent one of Conner and I, until I got to the pictures of our trip to Puerto Rico in Dec. I am making a pact that we will start taking more photos of ourselves together, I will make it a priority. Somehow when you have a baby or babies, all of your attention and focus seems to go into your child's life and happiness. You must not forget about your own.


Last night we were doing a bible study together and I pulled out a photo of us when we met. These words floated through my tired mind - bliss, young, blind. We were so shocked to have met each other those first two years that it seemed like someone had super glued us together, if we were apart we were lost. He completed me, and I had never felt that before. Now after four years of marriage, that bliss has resided and we are learning how to become one, unified. A team more or less. Relationships are not easy, but we were not created to be alone in this world, and two is far more powerful than one. We may never have that blissful time back where those pheromones shot through our bodies, and made us feel high at the mere sight of each other. But we have a lifetime together to grow old by each others sides. When I think about our love I am reminded of a quote I put on the back of our wedding invitations, it is from an Etta James song. "I found a thrill to press my cheek to".

The time we spend together in our house smiling at our son, and smiling at each other is what our love is. We are on to simply living in harmony, learning how to respect, forgive, praise, nourish, and love each other a little more today than we did yesterday.

Thank You Son.

For brightening my every day, for looking into my eyes and making me feel like I hung the moon, for holding me, for laughing at me when I am not even funny. For sleeping in my arms and keeping me warm, for sharing the bath with me, for letting it be so quiet at night that I can hear your heart beat, for letting me comfort you when you are scared, for helping me realize that you are one of my biggest priorities, for growing with me. For making me feel a love I have never felt before. Your laugh fills my soul and makes every day better than the one before. I soak you in each day and try to tattoo you in my mind because the next day you will change a little bit more. I love you Son.

Valentine's on my mind

I have this book I have carried with me for the past few years, and every now and then I open it up for inspiration and some colorful moments. I love looking into other peoples lives and what better way to do it than in a book filled with postcards sent to people across the world. PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail
in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.

I really like it although it does have a dark side to it, but love has it's sunny moments and it dark moments. Doesn't it? Marriage is not always sunny, but the times when it's dark are the times when you are learning the most. I ask for our marriage to be a bond that grows tighter every day and I can actually look back on the past year and notice a place where I started seeing it tighten like the laces on a shoe. Love is a funny thing, and it will probably take me forever to figure it out. I felt so red this year, the holiday was more this year for me than ever before. I have more love in my heart, and I feel so much love surrounding me. My heart continues to grow, never let yours stop.

Neck Tie Onesies

Here is Van in one of my neck tie onesies. I did a little photo shoot with him the other day, I am arranging a little shoot with some of my pieces. I just opened a shop on etsy.com
So I will let you know once I have images and my store is open for business. I will have a link directly to my shop on this blog! So you can shop to your hearts content.
I am having fun with the kids clothes. I just really want to break into the silk screening process and am about to buy some silk screening supplies so I can start doing kiddies tees too.

Tonight I had such a peaceful moment with Van as he was falling asleep in my arms, I felt his breath through his body, and as we were cuddling in the rocking chair he was reaching up to touch my neck and rub my arm. He is so gently and loving when he is falling asleep. He takes care of me in so many ways, his love feeds my soul and completes me in areas ,I never knew could be filled with so much love. It's funny when you think of having babies, the last thing you think of is that they will make you grow up. I have grown in so many ways since this child was put into my arms and I am so thankful for that little breath in his body everyday.

We Heart Meem's

Van's Mimi AKA Meem's is here for a week, and we are having so much fun-o!
We got to go to the horse races and have a night out, Meem's has been such a big help, and we love having her here! She gives Van good lovin.


Today we went to da beach and watched dad surf! He is training hard for his big surf contest in Aug! Van has just now learned that he has a tongue and he likes to stick it out for the camera!


Van loves his thumb, it is actually his favorite thing to have in his mouth, no paci's just the thumb. And a blankie, he is a true Linus. What ever makes him happy! We had a fun weekend, thanks Mimi, and the beach was relaxing too, we needed it!